Joe Smith, accountant, has just received a gold watch at his retirement dinner after 41 years with the firm ñ along with a set of golf clubs, which he has no use for, and a Mason jar full of beans, which he accepts in good humor because he has indeed been a ìbean counter.î He places the jar on the mantelpiece at home as a symbol of his lifeís work.
Joe is exultant at being liberated from a career he has always secretly hated. Millie,
his wife, sets out to teach her workaholic husband how to ìplayî ñ golf, bridge, whatever ñ in order to save their respective sanities. He finally succumbs to her pressure. Within a year he is playing golf and bridge regularly. Dawn, a beautiful widow, becomes his regular partner in both golf and bridge to the dismay of Millie, not at all what she intended. When Joe volunteers to help Dawn with her income tax and teach her how to drive a car, the fat is in the fire ñ until Joe backs off, frightened by this predator. ìOnce a bean counter, always a bean counter,î he grumbles to himself.
Seven years go by. Joe is called upon to make a speech at the retirement dinner for Bill, an old friend at the firm. It is filled with advice on ìHow to Retire without Becoming a Pain in the Assî ñ none of which he follows himself. He is well on his way to becoming an alcoholic idler. When his younger brother suddenly drops dead, he is still unmoved ñ until he himself has a minor heart attack. Millie persuades him to join her in a creative writing class for senior citizens. Grudgingly he admits that he enjoys it, reviving a long dormant desire to be a writer. Off booze at last, he shows signs of being redeemed.
Time passes. Now an octogenarian, Joe, hard of hearing and short of memory, is once again counting the beans in the Mason jar. Dawn, now twice more married and widowed ñ and rich ñ drops by. Obviously she is still out to get him, but he remembers in time that he is still happily married to Millie.
Millie dies. Jenny, his older sister, always his feisty protector, finds and brings him a long-forgotten, rejected manuscript of a novel he wrote decades before. She urges him to complete the novel, which he admits is the story of his life, up to a point. She also tries to persuade him to ask Dawn for the money to get the novel published, even if it is only by a ìvanity press.î But he canít. He is haunted by the voice of Millie which, conscience-like, threatens ìnever to talk to him againî if he dares to ask Dawn for the money.
So Joe settles down to writing and revising and re-writing the manuscipt which, he says, he will submit to publisher after publisher until it is accepted or he dies, whichever comes first. At the final curtain Joe dumps the jar of beans into the fireplace, finally emancipated from the career forced on him by his father, finally the writer he had always wanted to be, finally content in his world of memories,
A Retirement Comedu by Norbert Hruby
About the Author: Norbert Hruby Ph.D.
Aquinas’ second president, Dr. Norbert Hruby, came to the College in 1969 with a Ph.D. in English from Loyola University. He brought with him an extensive background in drama, radio and television and educational leadership at his alma mater, University of Chicago and Mundelein College in Chicago. The Self-Study which he directed resulted in major changes in curriculum, governance, student and faculty rights and responsibilities. His innovations helped to put the College on a sound financial basis and brought to the campus adults in degree-completion programs (Encore and Career Action), non-credit classes for older students (Emeritus College) and a Master of Management program. A major capital campaign resulted in renovation of several campus buildings and erection of the Art and Music
Center. He served the broader community by initiating the Eastown Neighborhood Association and serving as a board member or consultant for numerous educational, religious and cultural organizations at the local, state and national levels. He has been the recipient of honorary doctorates from Hope College, Kendall School of Art and Design and Aquinas. He retired from the presidency in 1986 and continues to pursue his lifelong interest in theatre by writing plays and traveling with his wife, Dolores, a prominent choir-director and composer - when she is available.
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IN DARKNESS: After the house lights have been dimmed, there is the 
